Updated: Feb 23, 2022
When someone said the words, "You need better boundaries," I used to bristle. I used to believe that boundaries meant walls that we build to protect our egos. I despised walls, I didn't trust the ego, thus I hated boundaries too. As a lifelong yogi, I believed that unity was the goal and boundaries were in direct opposition.
Then one day I was working with a powerful horse. He was pushing his giant body around and forcing me to either step up or get out of the way. My trainer said that I was leading with my forehead, trying to direct his movements from my spiritual eye. He coached me to drop into my body and move from my belly, the seat of power. I was taken aback. Was I really trying to push this big horse around with my forehead? Yup. And it was getting me nowhere.
So, I dropped in. I breathed deep, grounded into the earth with my feet, and re-centered my attention on the belly. When I was ready, I began to move the horse again, but this time, I led from my core. He responded immediately by moving where I asked him to go. He moved gracefully around the arena with me in willing partnership because I had met his energy with an appropriate match. Let me be clear, it wasn't about pushing him around or being "the boss." Too high a vibration and he was shoving right into me, too much space between us and the connection would be lost. The change happened when I met him at the correct frequency, the boundary point where our energies could meet in healthy partnership.
This was the first in a long journey of exploring the power of boundaries with horses and then with humans. In time, I learned that a boundary is not a wall, it is an appropriate point of connection.
To hold healthy boundaries takes way more energy and awareness than to put up a wall or it's opposite, to let everyone unload their crap on you.
The effort and discipline reaps worthwhile rewards. Relationships at work and home are transformed when we learn the art of boundaries because our points of connection become empowering, authentic, and full of love. This is the art of partnership and it will change everything.