I lost my job. What a strange statement – it’s not as though I misplaced it. Last week, my position was eliminated in an organization-wide downsizing that will help CARE deliver on it’s mission in an ever-changing economy. This has been a fascinating experience in a bruised ego, breathing into fear and finding joy.
I have loved my time at CARE. It’s mission and method for overcoming poverty is something I’ve held dear to my heart for 13 years, when I first discovered CARE as a bright eyed International Studies student at Pepperdine. Much of my career since then has been centered around the goal to work for CARE. These 4.5yrs of working for my dream organization have been a true blessing in every single way and I’m so grateful to have that desire fulfilled. CARE brought me to new lands, new ideas, new ways of thinking and most importantly, it brought me dear friends.
As I sat across from my supervisor and friend, I felt dumbfounded at the idea that I was being let go. In those first moments, I was slow to comprehend what was really happening. As it sunk in, I had the opportunity to practice my yoga in a very real way. It wasn’t easy, but I drew my energy towards my spine and remembered to breathe. Looking into the eyes of my friend, I felt compassion for her position; it is no fun delivering bad news.
In the days that followed, I felt some of those doubts that creep in under circumstances like this. Regardless of the kindness and assurances of my supervisor and colleagues, I began running over my work at CARE like a person recently dumped, “did I disappoint them?” “could I have done something differently?” Each time my ego cropped up with self-doubts, I had the opportunity to practice yoga again. To breathe. To center. As fears for my family’s future tried to rise up in my heart, I did the same. Breathe. Center. Open the heart. Lean into fear.
It’s been a great experience. With a 5 month old baby and a mortgage and a very rural home, my little family faces many changes in the months ahead. Yogananda advised to live simply as a core principle to finding happiness. We are now in the position to do just that and we are excited and grateful for it.
The times they are changing. Day by day, I feel with more and more certainty that we are in the flow of Divine Grace. What a wonderful blessing it is to surrender to life’s flow and God’s plan – it is always better than the plan we come up with.