Hi. It's been a year since I wrote just for me. Writing is my craft, my outlet, the place where my insides come out and I can see things more clearly. It's not that I've put it aside, I just needed it to be in the darkness for a while.
Beautiful things come out of the dark. Babies from the womb, sunrise from the horizon, stars in the night sky. For the past year I wrote furiously nearly every day, but I kept it to myself. Four journals overflow with my words, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings.
Today, I feel called to enter the light of day once more. It's terrifying.
Here's my intention for now: I intend to write for my life. I intend to let it flow, unedited, and allow the insides to come out. This is about breaking my own internal barriers to being true, brave, and as messy as required in order to live in congruence.
I have this shell, this personality cloak, that is a pleaser who likes to be right. It's built on an upbringing where being right is the foundation of your world. That's what happens when you're following the teachings of a great Master. If the words of the Master are wrong, the whole castle crumbles. Be it Jesus, Buddha, or, as in my case, Paramhansa Yogananda, the human tendency to dogmatize teachings is universal. In an objective mindset, most would see the dogma as misinterpretation of a Master's teachings, nothing more dire than that. But, we're not always in an objective mindset and our internal critic never is.
I'm tired of letting that shell, that inner voice, lead my life. Working with horses has taught me a lot about how to change subconscious beliefs.
It takes bringing awareness to them.
Then we decide if they are true.
Next, we choose. What do we want to believe?
Once we choose, we take action with our new belief drumming in our ears as mantra or intention or any number of other tools.
Each new action that moves from the heart of the new belief builds the new groove. Each action reinforces our new understanding.
Each action provides information for reflection. Is this belief still the right one for me? Yes? Keep it up. No, let's refine.
Then one day, we find the new belief has replaced the old entirely.
That's why I am here. The old belief, "I must be right AND liked or my world will fall apart," is ready to be replaced with, "I am honest with myself and others. I allow the world to do whatever it fucking wants with my truth."
Writing in public is my action. Day by day, little by little, my action will change my belief.
Love & blessings,